Yo dont text me then not text me
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright