Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often