Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
29 Petty People Reveal The Shallow Reasons They Turned Someone Down
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
21 Horribly Evil Pranks To Play On Your Drunk Friends
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.