Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
23 Theme Park Employees Confess The Biggest Adult Tantrums They’ve Witnessed
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.