Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
15 Ridiculous Ways Broke People Managed to Make a Buck
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
These 27 C*ck Blocks Are Savage AF
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.