pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
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You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
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