If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
