I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
