Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
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