Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
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