My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
