Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
