I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
Randomize
