At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
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