I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
