I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
How is it? Sketchville?
cheap drinks and peanuts cancel out any form of sketchiness
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
Randomize
