I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
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