Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
