porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
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