I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
Randomize
