I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
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