What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize