If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
Two words: blizzard sex
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
Randomize
