i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
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