Swine flu. Run for my life!
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
Randomize
