Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
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