i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
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