Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
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