I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
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