You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
Randomize
