just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
