as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
I pour the whiskey from now on
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
Randomize
