how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
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