will power is for people who don't want to get laid
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
Randomize
