ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Randomize
