have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
I just gargled with NyQuil
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Randomize
