ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
