i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
tell your sister to shave her snatch
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
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