I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
