I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
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