Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
Randomize
