you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
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