the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
Randomize
