she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
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