went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
Randomize
