We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
