I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
