I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
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