so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
Randomize
