Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
Randomize
