the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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