Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
