biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Randomize
