btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
What drink are we having for lunch?
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize
