Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Randomize
