i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
