Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
Randomize
