And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
Randomize
