i was born a porn star she said
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Randomize
