Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
Regardless of the degree, it's probably not good to relate so closely to the Steve-O documentary.
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
Randomize
