yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
Randomize
