I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
