i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
of course. lets lasso hookers.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
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