btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day