It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
