Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
23 Bisexuals Confess The Biggest Differences Between Dating People Of Each Sex
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
These 25 Ruthless Teachers Embarrassed Their Students
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
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