I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..