Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Randomize
