lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
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