NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
