i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
This is the prime rib incident all over again
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
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