i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Randomize
