She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
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