You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
