I puked a lego.
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
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