so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
Randomize
