4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
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