remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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