i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
