I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
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I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
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Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
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