Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
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