Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Randomize
