so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
