i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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