Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
Randomize
