I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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